I think of you. //

I have so many questions for you. Because you left so suddenly.

I know I have not made it so easy.

My heart was open, to all you had to offer. But sometimes that advantage made it tricky.

We were so close, maybe too close. Which made it so toxic. I need you to know that even if it seemed so easy, for me. It wasn’t. I missed you everyday, I miss you still today. I wouldn’t say that my desires are the same as they used to be, or otherwise you would have heard from me. But I want to know how you are. I miss your stories. I miss how easy it was for us to laugh about things. So easy to understand from each other how we felt.

Then I think about how much you hurt me, but then again, maybe I hurt you too.

Looking back at our relationship, I feel joy. I feel love. I feel acceptance. But I don’t know what made me feel like it should end. It just always ended, without it feeling like it did.

I think about you.

I need you to know that.

And I hope one day, I’ll have the courage to tell you.

That even though it seemed, like you left me. Like I left you.

I still feel like we didn’t.

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